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::28.2.03::
You know, I think an essential ingredient in giving up smoking is wanting to give up. I don't have that wanting. I love smoking. Giving up smoking is like giving up my best friend, except smoking has never been a two-faced cow that forgets I exist as soon as a bit of man-meat comes around. Smoking has always been there for me. Except when evil circumstances part us.
I think half the problem is that the people who are trying to talk you out of smoking don't use the right shit to make smoking look unattractive. 'Your smoking harms others' -- that is supposed to discourage smoking? I think not. 'Smoking causes diseases and stuff' - ho hum. If you want people to stop smoking then you should say 'Smoking makes you look like Aunty Lill' and then put a photo of Aunty Lil on the pack so you are in no doubt about how undesirable that is. It would work far better I think.
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::27.2.03::
It's been two days and three hours since I quit smoking -- I think this is rapidly becoming my quit smoking blog more than anything else because I really don't have anything else on my mind. I have had a couple of drags but not a real cig.
It is the dangerous three day today. The percentages go up dramatically after the third day then again after two weeks. My plan of action for today is simple. Get through til 5.00, get through the stressful drive home, then get that nice bottle of Temazepan I found in the bathroom cupboard this morning and pop a pill to get me snoozing for the rest of the day. Yeah sure, I might be swapping my ciggies for a darker, Valley of the Dolls-esque tranquilizer addiction, but it's a risk I'm prepared to take at the moment.
The worst thing about being a non-smoker is that you are no longer a bad-ass. I hate that. I have decided there is only one thing that is more bad-ass than smoking. A gun, folks, a gun. A gun is the single most bad-ass thing in the world. A gun and a cowboy hat -- an unbeatable bad-ass combination. I might wait for the withdrawal crankies to stop though cos I would have taken out half the peak hour traffic this morning, but not without just cause.
And my god, I don't know whether it's the quit smoking thing or because I have been sucking on artificially sweetened things for two days but I have been farting like a bastard today. Not just a regular bastard either but a bastard who swallowed a typhoon.
One last thing, check out town bike - how funny is that site?
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::26.2.03::
I want a cigarette. I really want a cigarette. I don't think you understand just how much I need one. I swear to god if there was a decent butt in the ashtray I would be smoking that right now. If anyone I knew was home and I thought I could get a cigarette off them I would be there right now.
I really need a cigarette.
I am sick of eating pistaccio nuts and other shit and brushing my teeth and using natural remedies to cure withdrawals.
I want a cigarette.
I could go to the shop and buy just a little packet but I won't. I know that despite everything -- telling myself that I'll just have one and then give the rest away -- as soon as I buy a packet all is lost. But one teeny tiny cigarette surely can't hurt. If I don't buy a whole packet. If I don't inhale. Damn. This is getting bad.
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I am eating pistaccios and sugar-free blackcurrant pastilles but I really want a cigarette.
I think I need a nicotine inhaler like Margot Tenanbaum.
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Still haven't had a cigarette. I am wondering if I should take myself out somewhere nice for lunch, where I wouldn't be able to smoke, but I am so sick and sweat that maybe that isn't such a good idea.
I am going to go to K-Mart to pick up my Big Day Out photos now. K-Mart will be filled with people smoking, I just know it.
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Still haven't had a cigarette. Yah! Go me! I still feel very sick though. My feet and hands and face keep going numb. I don't know if that is normal. I am reaching the point where I can't sleep any more so I have to face up to life and no cigarettes. I have no concentration at all and will probably punch anyone who bugs me even slightly.
Yesterday I left work early because I felt so bad. Flinders Street Station was filled with moronic people -- can you get people more stupid than those people who hang around train stations and stop dead in front of you when you are in a hurry? -- so I missed my train by the merest seconds. I was so angry. Just imagine nicotine-free me on the platform. All I wanted to do was get home to bed, to fully indulge an excess of whimpering and crying. Suddenly every single person on that platform lights up a cigarette. I swear to god, I have never seen so many people smoking in my entire life. If I was still a smoker and wanted to find another smoker, to scum a light say, then nobody on the entire platform would smoke, but yesterday it was smoker central. Little kids were smoking, babies in their prams were smoking, nuns were smoking. Damn them all.
But I didn't want a cigarette, I wanted to get home to bed and they were all making me angry. The next train after mine was the Broadmeadows train. A few trains later it was the Broadmeadows train again. Why do they get more trains than everybody else? Sure, I can see the advantages of getting Broadies out of the city ASAP but it isn't fair.
I finally got home and writhed and whimpered to my heart's content.
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I gave up smoking at 10.00 yesterday. I feel awful. I don't know if I am just going through withdrawal or if I have the flu as well. That I don't feel one bit like a cigarette suggests that this might be the flu.
I have been going from being ok, to shaking and whimpering, and back to ok. I am so much in the habit of thinking, I'll just do this then I'll have a cigarette, and that is a hard habit to break. I tried having lifesavers instead yesterday, but that was a bad move because it sent my blood sugar skyhigh. I want to get some sugar-free mints today.
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::18.2.03::
City
These things pissed me off:
* Children's clothes in Target. Seriously. What the hell is going on here? Do people dress their kids in these clothes? Do people seriouly walk into a shop, see an outfit that screams "cheap and nasty hoochie mama" and buy it for their two year old? I just don't get it. I bet they let their kids listen to Christina Ulgyera or whatever that chick's name is too.
* Subway advertising for new staff and stressing the need for communication skills and then you walk in and the staff grunt at you. Although that might make sense, maybe they want to replace the old and inferior staff with new and superior models.
* Melbourne Central station. I hate this station. They don't have the train times up until the bottom of the esculator. You don't know if you should rush down, risking your life and/or a heel breakage or to have a leisurely cig before entering non-smoking world. Do they expect us to know the train timetable?
* People flogging charities at the train station. Why should I donate to a charity when they are trying to make me miss my train? I donate to a select few charities. If I was interested in donating to yours, I would. I don't impulse donate.
That's all. I love the breeze that precedes the trains at Melbourne Central station. That always makes me happy.
PS. Do you know anything about bikes? I need some information. Basically I want to know if there is a bike (pushbike not motorbike) equivilant to say a fiat or peugot, something that is not very common but that the owners would be kinda obsessive about. Let me know if you have any info that could help me.
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::17.2.03::
Yet again Willy Wonka has proven to be a big fat liar of the pants on fire variety. I opened my Twix bar fully expecting to win the $20,000 world travel on the basis that i want it more than anyone else and yet again it says 'Sorry you have not won a trip this time'.
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::16.2.03::
Man o man, I went out Friday night. It was supposed to be our big 'girls night out' but half the girlie-girls piked on us. Maybe it was bad planning on our part, being Valentines Day and all. By midnight I had the noddies. This is like the third time that has happened to me. It is very awful. It isn't like just being tired but being so tired, so falling asleep that I can't move. My brain is saying get up and move but before the thought is wholly formed I am asleep again. I wanted to get up and go home but just couldn't then the security chick came over and said, in the nicest possible way, to wake up or leave. So I was trying to sleep without looking like I was asleep and drinking heaps of water. Didn't work. Finally made it home. I am so much not a party animal any more. I think I am turning into a Nanna.
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::11.2.03::
What kind of frigging morons create web sites that play music as soon as they load? What is the rationale behind that bit of coding genius?
Seriously, the last thing you need at work is to have music blaring out of your PC letting everyone know that you are being a slack-arsed moll who is surfing the net, yet again, instead of working. The absolute last thing you need is Avril Lavigne blaring out of your PC any time.
I don't get this anyway. I have headphones permanently plugged into my PC so according to my (limited) understanding, music should go into the headphones and my ears, not out into the big, wide world. I have muted the damn volume control but I still can't stop the music. I absolutely refuse to go on any band or music related site now. And if you have Avril on your web site, look out.
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::9.2.03::
Why the hell does time go so much faster of a weekend? Seriously I never get anything done because it takes me all weekend just to get around starting anything then it is Sunday night and too late to do anything.
I started stripping down a desk to paint over Christmas and it is just sitting there, half stripped and untouched since I went back to work. I have about 50 other projects that demand my attention as well. I think I need to make a list and try to cross off maybe one a week or something. Otherwise it just gets overwhelming.
Of course completely bullshit, time wasting things always get done - four hours downloading crappy songs off the internet, no worries; sitting around doing ditzy teenybopper shit while watching Rage all night, sure; watching paint dry, yeah got all day for it; a whole day trying to get my stupid printer to work, ok that gets a big grrrr!
On a not such a complete waste of time note, I bought weights the other day. They are cool little hand weights, from K-Mart. There are 2 0.5 kgs in pink, 2 1kg in purple and 2 big ones in green. I really think the cute colour thing is important, who wants ugly weights? Before I got this nasty bronchitis I was going to the park and walking for 30 - 60 minutes a day. I quit while I've been sick and I really miss it. Who would have thought? I plonk on the cheapo K-Mart walkman and off I go. Now I have weights to take with me, for an uber workout. The goal (with the weights) is to be able to wear sleeveless things next Summer.
I have done some walking in the last week though. Yesterday I was torn between my absolute need for Mashies from KFC (how good are they?) and my need not to eat crap. I decided to walk to KFC therefore getting exercise and Mashies. I thought that was pretty smart of me. I took the dog too so killed three birds with that little stone.
Goddamn. Anyone would think I was getting corporate sponsorship from K-Mart or KFC reading over this. Oh yeah, while I doing my best Big Kev here I have to tell you about the most amazing thing I bought the other day. There is this new lipstick out from Revlon and, since I was waiting for my zillionth antibotic prescription at the chemist, I got sucked in and bought one. I am the biggest sucker for stuff at the chemist. I just can't go in, get my script filled and leave. Be it nail polish, hair clips or whatever, I just need to buy something. Anyhow I got back to work and I was reading the pack. "Colour Lock Technology" -- that had me laughing, one of those stupid cosmetic advertising buzzwords that mean nothing I thought.
Well I put on this lippy. It has a foamy applicator like a lip gloss and I thought, yeah right, this will last about 10 minutes. No, 24 hours later I was still wearing this stuff. I literally had to scrub it off, painfully, in the shower. I couldn't believe it. I was walking up to people at work going look, then rubbing my lips and the lipstick didn't move (yes, they do think I'm insane). It is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. Who would have thought you could believe the guff on cosmetic packaging?
Ok. I'm going to shut up now.
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::6.2.03::
I am still sick. I have been sick for nearly two weeks now. That is a long time to have a hacking cough. I'm off to the doctors again today so must remember to take a book. I have read their three copies for Cosmo from 1994 about twenty odd times. You know I think it is wrong for the doctors to have a magazine that details oral sex techniques sitting in their waiting room where any little kiddie could pick it up and read it. Not that the article tells you anything you really need to know anyway.
Update: I have bronchitis. Woohoo. I have to have a chest x-ray tomorrow and lots of blood tests. My doctor, after giving me the quit smoking lecture, told me it should be ok in about 2 more weeks. Yikes. I want it to be better NOW!
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::3.2.03::
Sometimes it is nice to fill a dull moment or two thinking about alternative careers. There are career paths that you just never thought about at school, that the career advisor never mentioned, that never had a little table full of enticing colour pamphlets set up at career's night. Some of these careers are all around us and we don't even think about them.
Yes kiddies, the words Mr Whippy are coming to mind. I have been giving the whole Mr (or is that Ms?) Whippy thing much of my attention and have decided on the following pros and cons of the job:
Pros:
* travel
* meeting people
* free icecream
* prestige with young children
* free icecream
* front for dubious criminal/stalking activities (ala bad '70s Australian horror movie - can't remember the name)
* organising mutually beneficial swapsies with the hot dog man
Cons:
* having to listen to constant Greensleeves-type music (maybe you could change it to something a bit more hip, but then how would the kiddies know it was you?)
* there could be major territory issues, where Fat Tony has the West side sewn up and this town isn't big enough for both of us, leading to shady rumbles and shoot out with the soft serve machine.
Hmm, maybe I need to investigage this further. Anyway this is my Mr Whippy story:
Years ago, when my sister was young and stupid, oh I mean naive, we were on a family drive past the Batman bridge near Launceston (named for John Batman, Australian explorer, not the superhero). There was a Mr Whippy van parked near the bridge and we stopped for icecream.
A woman was slumped in the passenger side of the van, asleep and not moving. We told my sister that she was indeed dead. That Mr Whippy had just murdered his Mrs Whippy and had been about to dump her off the bridge when he heard our car coming so had propped her up in the front of the van until we were safely out of view. This may have also been extended to further Mr Whippy crimes, maybe a Mr Whippy killing spree.
My sister was afraid of Mr Whippy for many years after that.
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::1.2.03::
The other day, the day that was all wet and yucky, I was driving down Toorak Road. The traffic was a nightmare, bumper to bumper, and hardly moving. I was sitting in my car, listening to my tape and a bit oblivious to the outside world. Next minute I hear a chunk-chunk-chunk noise and look up to see a tram wipe out my driver's side mirror. Luckily it sprang back into place but I was really worried that it had got my actual car. I couldn't pull over to check so I kept driving, trying to keep out of the way of the demented tram driver.
I don't get it. There was a car in front of the tram and nowhere for the tram to go. The tram driver didn't ding their dingy bell or anything. Just bam, into the side of my car.
When I got a chance to get out and check the damage there were two damaged panels on the side of my little baby car. They were just kind of rippled. And covered with green and yellow tram paint. I nearly cried.
After a few hours on the phone to my insurance company things were under control but I just don't get it. What the hell was the tram doing?
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